One legged peeing

Right if you are of the female persuasion then away with you right now, cos this is bloke stuff an not for the ears of the gentler sex.

As every man knows, when we stand to pee, there are several things that can happen and one of the least likely is that a nice straight line of pee comes out straight down the pan. Far more likely is that it shoots out at 45 degree angle hitting the floor before we can get things in control with a quick manual adjustment. Or it fans out both sides like a hose with your thumb on it. Weirder things can happen, two streams shoot forth or occasionaly a perfect hit which then descends to total chaos bouncing off the back wall. Oh mostly we get it it where we intend but there is always a few stray drops.

Women of course (in general) sit to effect the same thing but wee men stand, not because it is easy, not because it looks good but for the simple reason that we can. Since the stoneage, man has stood to mark his territory. It is a statement. This tree is mine. Come near it and feel my anger, smell my power. Were it an evolutionary nessesity we would pee with incredible accuracy, like a fish that knocks flies off bushes by spitting at them. Instead we are designed to spray, we are expected to lay down a good mark. It is our heritage, our birthright.

Such things are part of the manness that is our sex. However having a broken leg, I now discover the art of peeing on one leg. Just getting there is a voyage of discovery fnding the crutches leaping forth down the hall negotiating the doors and dogs and children, god forbid the toilet is being used. By the time we actually get there and arrange the crutches and clothing well, lets just say desperation springs to mind. By the time we have pulled the wee man out, nothing not even a cork will hold the flood back. In the mean time, the pain shooting through our broken leg is causing muscles to tense, we are leaning on something, a wall a crutch anything to stand stable but the pressure turns our normal urge to a seething need to pee and then it comes, wobbling uncertainly on one leg, a veritable fountain of uncertain direction. Nothing is sacred within a 180 degree arc. And thus because we have to drink lots of fluids, we do this at significantly increased rates.

All I can say in defense is "Even in pain and misery I make my mark"

But I make no appologies, this is my toilet, smell my power.......