5 WEEKS it's been 5 whole weeks hopping around whirling my crutches, stumbling and mumping at every obstacle in my path, inanimate or otherwise. In 7 days I return to the hospital where the OS will be asked to remove the cast and stitches in my leg or suffer from permanent and catastrophic castration. Such is my mind set.
I have a nice pin in my leg and by now should be able to partially weight bear on it however I find myself for the first time in my life scared to do something. I have no problem throwing myself off bridges tied to knicker elastic or flying to Far eastern oil rigs in WW I helicopters but merely applying a partial weight to my BL scares the living crap out of me. Who would have guessed, Chris Ward degenerated into a woose by a couple of broken bones.
Still I refuse to succumb to melancholy and fear so each day force a little more weight on. In the mean time I get out from under poor Babs feet by working in my little workshop doing my electronicy stuff. Time has flown, The days march past in regimented order marked only by small success and infuriating failures and an itchy set of sutures on my ankle that are DRIVING ME CRAZYYYYY.........
Nancy my beloved Mother in law has been watching my lifestyle of sitting around all day on my fat arse getting cups of tea and eggy sandwiches hand deliver
ed to my couch and has decided to join me. To achieve this she decided to throw herself bodily off her front step (A dizzying height of 2") landing on her middle finger and wrist providing a clean break from both her bones and her work in one fell swoop. Actually less of a swoop, more of a plummet. She now resides with us where we swap broken bone stories whilst my wifes eyes slowly roll up to inspect the pain in her frontal lobes. I consider her actions to be obscenely selfish. Who the hell does she think she is stealing my thunder. I would push her off her pew if I didn't think she would break something else just to annoy me. This is Nancy demonstrating alternative uses for a sling, Unluckily she forgot she had it on and went shopping like this. Nice man brought her home.
I have a nice pin in my leg and by now should be able to partially weight bear on it however I find myself for the first time in my life scared to do something. I have no problem throwing myself off bridges tied to knicker elastic or flying to Far eastern oil rigs in WW I helicopters but merely applying a partial weight to my BL scares the living crap out of me. Who would have guessed, Chris Ward degenerated into a woose by a couple of broken bones.
Still I refuse to succumb to melancholy and fear so each day force a little more weight on. In the mean time I get out from under poor Babs feet by working in my little workshop doing my electronicy stuff. Time has flown, The days march past in regimented order marked only by small success and infuriating failures and an itchy set of sutures on my ankle that are DRIVING ME CRAZYYYYY.........
Nancy my beloved Mother in law has been watching my lifestyle of sitting around all day on my fat arse getting cups of tea and eggy sandwiches hand deliver
ed to my couch and has decided to join me. To achieve this she decided to throw herself bodily off her front step (A dizzying height of 2") landing on her middle finger and wrist providing a clean break from both her bones and her work in one fell swoop. Actually less of a swoop, more of a plummet. She now resides with us where we swap broken bone stories whilst my wifes eyes slowly roll up to inspect the pain in her frontal lobes. I consider her actions to be obscenely selfish. Who the hell does she think she is stealing my thunder. I would push her off her pew if I didn't think she would break something else just to annoy me. This is Nancy demonstrating alternative uses for a sling, Unluckily she forgot she had it on and went shopping like this. Nice man brought her home. 
Babs "the stalwart" is now one staff member down, one patient up, has a cranky one legged husband 3 inconsiderate expensive children 2 dogs, 2 horses and a guesthouse full of guests. What a full and busy life she leads, she is so lucky not to be sitting here bored out of her mind watching Nancy do a jigsaw with one hand, a task commensurate with watching the tide come in. "BABS! can I have another cuppa please, I'm doing my blog" Well it's thirsty work. This is Babs about to throw some more tea my way.......
The MBL crowd (http://www.mybrokenleg.com/) are still waiting on Arsenals Eduardo Da Silva to join the fraternity. In the meantime our stilted lurch towards two legged mobility staggers on.
A recent discussion on what to do with used crutches produced.
Paddles for the barbed wire canoe
Coat tree
Carpet beater
Frame for a midgets teepee
Standard lamp
Replacement TV Remote control
Spider web removal tool
Device for opening loft hatches
Device for telling upstairs neighbour to turn music down
Device to demonstrate to husband what it feels like to poked in back when trying to fall asleep
Device to allow continued use of disabled parking
Device for keeping charity collection people at the appropriate distance
Device to clarify to boss why firing you is a bad thing. Requires surgical removal afterwards.
Device for getting served at bar during rush hour (Can be placed underarm for sympathy or swung to create a path)
Cheap golf club/polo stick
Device for smoothing down wet concrete
modern art, (Hung on wall or free standing) (my new coat of arms perhaps)
Child chastiser
Ultimate Bong
tool for getting stuff off the top shelf
Projectile for dealing with next door neighbours cat at 2am
Can be used as part of illicit still to disguise it from revenue officers (now this interests me)
Rubber cap on end makes good wine stopper
Art Deco TV aerial
Pogo stick, (Requires strong spring stuffed in end)
Forearm sections can be bolted to car dashboard to hold large McDonalds Cokes
Device for shooting French Presidents (The Jackel for non film buffs)
Bolt down to floor and stick fishing waders upside down to dry them
Unusual candelabra
Old fashioned Door bell pull
Toys for children (mine cant keep their hands off them)
Device to prop up young trees or cannabis plants (depending on your gardening habits)
musical instrument (Mine have holes in the aluminium tube)
Unusual garden water feature (Holes again)
Device for measuring how much diesel is left in horsebox tank (I used mine for this purpose today so it's not stupid so there!!!!!!!!!!ha)
Spare legs for kitchen table
Device for tripping up mother in law at her front door
Device for poking mother in law in order to recover TV remote control
Special seat to prop up mother inlaw (Similar usage to earlier boss application)
This is how bored we are......Thanks to Mary Smith and all the fellow temporary cripples who contributed.
Do you know whats weird. The Internet is full of videos of people having bad accidents, From Eduardos recent problems to kids failing to pull off a triple turkey on a skateboard (I think that's what it's called) Now I cant stand this stuff, I'm not squeamish, not a bit, I have seen some bad shit in 30 years offshore and like we do we deal with it. But going out my way to view these soft snuff videos is just perverse. Yet here I am checking out peoples photos on Picasa, comparing stitches and Xrays. What the hell is that about. I think it's a validation thing, I need to know that there is someone worse off out there yet still getting better. I need to know I am getting better. I think I am scared and that really scares me. How can a physical accident emotionally cripple you. It's not just me I suddenly realised, MBL's very existence is dependent on everyone getting these fears. Now I am pretty sure that I can dispassionately observe this and move on, (mmm) but if I can get messed up with a relatively small thing like this, how the hell do people with Post Traumatic Stress recover their composure.
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